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November 29, 2004
Whoah! Dead air!
So once again, it's been a while. Color me employed. :)
The reality is there isn't a lot going on that's directly related to the adoption. Right now, we're all getting ready for Christmas and such. That's taking up a big chunk of time, and finishing up the last of some household renovations is taking another. Once the reno is finished (down to moulding and paint at the moment), we can start on the baby's room, but the plan was always to wait until after Christmas to do that.
One major event at a time.
In the meantime, though, we've received the famous "brown envelope." This is the package from the US Embassy in Guangzho which basically says "We've sent all your okayed paperwork on to the Chinese officials, and here are a bunch of forms you should bring with you to China." Okay, thanks.
We're also trying to line up travel and conference plans for the next several months, including a possible trip to San Francisco for Macworld (courtesy of my employer), and a trip to Boston for a CAWLI PTAG session. This is a powwow with parents who have done this before, a chance to huddle with the "been there, done that" crowd and pick their brains. We figure Boston is a long, long weekend, but we can do it.
There are persistent rumors running along two tracks. The first is that the Chinese officials are trying their best to speed things up and cut the wait time. Good. The second is that the July DTC group was huge, and may be split over two months on their referrals. Bad. That'd push us back a month or so.
Actually, not "bad" as such...just annoying.
Folks thinking about going through this, take note. Everyone tells you what a lot of work it is and how much trouble it is to adopt a child. That's nothing. Adopting from China is actually really easy. There's a set procedure and a defined path for you to follow. You dot all the I's and cross all the T's and you're fine.
What's really hard is the waiting. The wait for the Feds to send your I-171. The wait for the Chinese government to send your referral. And I can only imagine that the wait to travel will be even worse, alleviated only by the frenetic activity required in advance of it.
Things are lining up nicely, though. If all goes well, we will travel and return toward the end of the semester, which will dovetail nicely with a tailing-off of work responsibilities for both of us, and with Lara's customary summer time off. I'm working with my employer on an extended leave when Emma first comes home, followed by several weeks of half-time work to drag my FMLA time out as far as possible. If all goes well, we could be well into fall before we need daycare services for her, and that means plenty of time for her to get adjusted to America and her new family.
Christmas, though, is going to be a time of transition. See, we've always alternated spending Christmas Eve at Lara's grandparents' house and my parents' house. That has always meant a big family Christmas morning. With my siblings, we've even been able to work it out so that the brothers and sisters with in-laws in Florida visit there for Christmas on the years when we're at Lara's family's place.
This year's going to be weird. In the first place, because we goofed up the alternation rhythm last year (long story, no time), Lara and I will be at Dad's this year, and all the sibs save Chris will be away. Smaller-than-normal holiday to begin with, though we tried to ameliorate some of that by spending a lot of extra time there this Thanksgiving.
On top of that, though, this will be the last Christmas Eve we spend over at someone else's house. Because Emma will be with us next year, we plan to begin spending Christmas at home, building our own family traditions. We're thinking of how we can arrange things, and a good possibility seems to be this: One year, we go to visit everyone Christmas afternoon. That year, the sibs can all head over to Dad's. The following year, we'll invite everyone over to our place ("everyone" in that case being Lara's family, plus Dad, Mom and Chris). Hopefully, that'll work out.
We thought of taking Emma with us and continuing the "alternating Christmases" routine. The idea has a lot of appeal, but would really be a big hassle. We've been doing this for 10 years now, and while we love being with a big family on Christmas morning, we've come to dislike the heavy packing, the several hours (altogether) of driving required to bounce between many houses (Mom moving to the mountains and Gary to Florida alleviated some of that, eliminating one trip and shifting the other to a day past Christmas), and the fact that we often don't make it to bed until near or past midnight.
That's just one thing, though. The real, big reason we're making the change is for Emma. Because she'll still be a relatively recent adoptee, and because of the inevitable trauma of that change, we want to begin building rituals and traditions for her as quickly as possible. One of the traditions we want to establish is Christmas at home with Mom and Dad, followed by visits to or from grandparents and great-grandparents. We're hoping that will reinforce her sense of security in her own home, and the idea that family begins in the home and grows from there.
Hopefully, that'll be just one of many new traditions that come home with Emma, and her cousin Kyra. It's funny...I'm kind of a staid guy. I like a set routine for doing things. I like the way that we keep the same traditions year in and year out. But for once, I'm looking forward to the changes. Maybe just because the catalyst is something positive.
My only regret is that Flossie Ackerman Butler, Lara's great-grandmother, didn't live to see at least one Christmas with Emma. A trip to Wadesboro to sit a while with her was another Christmas tradition that ended this year with Mrs. Butler's death at 100. I'll miss seeing her and hearing her tell Lara she was going to have to "kick Santa's butt" if he didn't treat her right. :-) I hope I'm that with-it if I make it to 100 years old.
Tradition is dead! Long live tradition! Out with the old, and in with the new (and hopefully permanent)!
Posted by at November 29, 2004 02:41 PM